My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
