My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
