wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
