just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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