I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
