I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had to cum in my sink.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
