I wish my penis had an off switch
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
