How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
