Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
