My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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