I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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