If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
