I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
