I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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