I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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