dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
