New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
