The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize