I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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