I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
someone owes me an orgasm
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
