i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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