You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
