i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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