Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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