If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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