we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You made out with two different species that night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
