i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
