If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
