Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
