I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
