needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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