thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
