keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize