so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
