How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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