I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
