..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
