You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
