a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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