You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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