I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
