Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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