you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
