I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cockslap morals
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
