I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
