Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
