You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize
