At least make sure they are 18
Why
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
