Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
