a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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