i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
