Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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