I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize