Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
