he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
