It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
