I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
