winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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