Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
