She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
