My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
