margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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