You smell like stripper and shame
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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