thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
