he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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