I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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