Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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