I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
