wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think my fart just growled at me.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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