I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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