Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
