fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
