Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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