shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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