To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
