mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This gyro tastes like lonliness
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
