you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
