oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
