I haven't been this sober since birth.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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