hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Found the puke drawer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
