I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
