he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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